Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
