i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
