dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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