i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
