my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
