1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
