Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
