soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
