I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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