apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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