it hurts more in the daytime
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
