bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
