I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
