I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I will pee on everything he values.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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