why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
