I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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