Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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