Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
