"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
