Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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