I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
