YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my sisters under your porch take her home
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
