STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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