dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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