The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
