Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
