in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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