its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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