omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
