so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
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