Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize