Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
