I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
