HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
