so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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