I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
