Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
