I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
