You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
