So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
