I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
