Umm I'm too high to move.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
