when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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