Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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