Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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