dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
