i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
