I want to walk on stilts...naked
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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