So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize