this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
