Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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