Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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