Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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