the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
