Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
