Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
