tequila makes me forget i have legs
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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