Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
