You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize