I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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