you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
