Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
