Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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