when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
