I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
