Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
