help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Buhtt sex?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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