My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
