it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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