I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
