Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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