Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
