I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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