A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It's official drugs can't kill me
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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