At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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