dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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