On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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