Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
