Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
