Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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