A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
