he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
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