i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
