when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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