i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
