i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
