Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
