I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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